As mid-May showers were full of snow at Aunt Nellie’s funeral (our 3rd family funeral in a few short months), the designer and I realized that 2011 for us, was growing a theme: a year in death.  5 months later, it continues.

Loss.  Whether it was a best friend who moved away, a lost student body election, a rejection letter from a favorite school, defeat in a big game, not making the cut on a desired team or production, the job a heart really desired, or perhaps the building lot that received a stronger bid…

…Loss is not easy, and ultimately, it will either make us or break us…bring us closer as a couple, friends, and family…or pull us apart.

As I drove home from a seemingly never-ending day at the hospital, I realized, through my pain and uncontrollable tears, that the loss of our baby will bring many blessings if we will welcome and embrace them.

empathy – Over the years, it has become  increasingly harder to hear friends and family share the loss of a child.  Feelings of guilt raked my soul as I realized that we had been blessed with three pregnancies with optimal outcomes.  When offering my condolences, at times, they almost seemed trite as I truly did not understand what these women, couples, and families were feeling and experiencing.  It seemed that no amount of LOVE, tears, or thoughtfulness deserved to remove an edge of the pain.  I’m grateful for the many who have already carried us: friends, family, complete strangers, those who understood the pain, and the love of others who didn’t understand, but still brought us solace.  No, I’m not a breast-cancer survivor, but I pray for the opportunity aid and heal others with this newly found empathy.

{For any of us feeling alone or forgotten, complete empathy can truly be found.}

hope – All the 3 year-old explorer could say through his sweet tiny tears, was that he wanted to go to the hospital and feed his baby. Yes, they each took it hard, but as we explained that we would try again, their faces lit up with hope and love for a future sibling.

cleave – No doubt, loss throughout our marriage has truly brought the designer and I closer. We’ve sat for hours talking & sharing our desires, disappointment, pain, and sorrow.  In these deepest moments of loss, I find that we cleave just as we should as husband and wife: single thoughts and actions, no worldly distractions or noise, (as we call it), can penetrate the bubble of love we have for one another and our children.

{to my unmarried siblings, cousins, and friends: marry someone you want to struggle and grow with…}

plan & humility – The designer confusedly explained the irony in our first attempt at planned parenthood.  Our three freebies reminded us that there is a plan for our family and that our humility in accepting and embracing His plan for our family will result in more happiness and joy.

joy – One of the greatest blessings in loss is looking around at the treasures we already have.  I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be a wife and mother, grateful for our 3 children and the joy and excitement they bring into our lives everyday.

To anyone out there who has joined our year theme of death or loss in 2011, (whether great or small), we offer our sincerest condolences and our deepest love and thoughts to each and every one of you.  May you find these difficult times as an opportunity for growth, hope, and future joy.

much luv,

the designer, the artist, the builder, the dancer, & the explorer 

ps. One of the designer’s favorite songs of all time: Lost by Coldplay…sounds particularly beautiful today…

pss. A drive in the mountains to see the colors and beauty were very healing.  🙂