on with the journey

Between everything else happening in our life, it has taken me a while to feel like I’m feeling good and ready to take on the next challenge…let alone, getting back to normal.  🙂  Thanks for all your sweet comments.  I’m following much good advice, taking it one day at a time…making sure I make time to rest in case I need it.

The kiddos and I have taken long walks in the beautiful Fall sunshine.

They’ve enjoyed the leaves, again and again.  They love to rake them up into piles, put them in egg cartons and recycling boxes.  Sometimes they give them away.  Other times they remove them from our neighbors’ yards.  We love our neighbors.

And found ways to decorate the tree outside for Fall or Halloween (not quite sure).

They’ve painted new masterpieces and played lots of games.  They’ve been incredible, really: so patient and understanding.

The dancer helped me as we organized the clothes again, getting ready for winter.  I’m still nesting.  Still preparing for the next stage…whatever and whenever it may be.   It makes me feel good to nest and clean, so I’m going to keep on doing it till I feel a little more normal.

Physically I feel much better.  Emotionally, I sway back and forth.  I’m sure this is normal and that I’ll continue to feel sadness from time to time.

The designer called after a meeting for the new Draper High School (he’s designed all the landscape, outdoor spaces, etc…we’re so excited to see it built).  He needed directions to another site.  He asked how I was, and I admited that I’d had a hard time after trying to settle bills from the hospital and doctor’s office.

We have a health savings account.  We love it.  We can set aside what we feel we need and most doctor’s/hospitals will give you a discount if you pay during your visit.  It also gives me peace of mind that I’ll not be receiving another bill later.

We’d received two bills the day before saying that there was still a balance on my account.  After long phone calls with IHC and speaking to two (very helpful, btw) employees at the same time, they discovered that while paying for my Rho-gam shot, another patient was credited the amount I paid.  I actually felt a guilty taking the money back as I imagine that it went to the woman with 5 children (one of which had special needs), who were checking out at the same time.

Then I couldn’t control the emotions and began to cry as I thought of the child that we lost and the money we’d saved for him/her.  We’ll slowly replenish that lil’ nest egg as we can.  I was happy to have our money returned as I knew it would go to our next baby.

I was disappointed that while I’d tried to “take care of” everything that day so that I wouldn’t have to pay later.  And yet I was grateful to think about that member of our eternal family that we love so much.  The anger left me and I was grateful.

So when I was helping the designer and he asked how I was, I admitted that I was sad.  He comforted me by saying that he still feels the sadness come and go.  I’m so grateful we can carry one another.

Sometimes it’s nice to not understand so we can be strong for the other…

But other times it’s just nice to understand and mourn together.

Hoping that you’re all finding the love and support that we all need and deserve.  Remember, He’s always there for you.

Sending you all much luv as we continue this amazing journey together.  xoxo ~ katrina

ps. My brother joined us this weekend as we enjoyed  a new school in Provo whose landscape…I’m sure you can guess designed…this outdoor classroom was his favorite spot.

8 thoughts on “on with the journey

  1. Be gentle with yourself. You will get there with time. It is perfectly alright to have the feelings that you do. Things will move on. They must of course. And this too shall pass away. I am grateful that it is all working out for you and that you have people in your life to lean on and to carry you every now and then.

    • thx so much Patty Ann, so sorry this reply has come so late…doing better just as you said…time helps! xo

  2. Katrina:
    I haven’t been on your Blog for a long time and just read about your loss. I am so very sorry. You are such a positive influence to all those who come in contact with you. May the Lord continue to comfort you….. Ronda Fowles

    • Thx so much sweet Ronda :). It’s been so comforting to celebrate and see photos of Erin’s Cinema…such a beautiful gift! xo

      • Thanks, Katrina. Cinema is such a delight! We try to go to LA to see her once a week. I just returned to the YL after 3 glorious weeks in Midway. The Fall time is so special in the valley. Hope to run into you on one of our visits.

        • Yes, please 🙂 it’s been too long…so glad you were able to enjoy the colors…they’ve been spectacular this year! xo

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