tears {still prego with twins 38 weeks}

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When I was pregnant with our third I cried a lot. I had 2 other small toddlers to enjoy (care for), one was 2 years…nearly 3, the other 1 of course. They were darling & busy & fun…but I was physically & emotionally exhausted. I had too many food allergies, was hungry all the time, & probably wasn’t getting enough nutritionally. Our oldest, the builder, noticed this of course, and was convinced that babies in the belly = sad, crying mamas. Once he even told someone that I’d be ok once the baby came out.

Of course, he was right. Surprisingly enough, while this twin pregnancy has been the hardest of them all combined, I didn’t cry much till this third trimester.  And I’ve made up for it’s absence earlier. (They are not always sad tears…I also frequently cry during touching Olympic moments…strangely enough, I seem to have discovered more of them this time).

This week, I’ve really only slept 2 nights (3 of which were full of on & off braxton hicks).  While I hope desperately it means we are nearly done, I am exhausted. I cried a bit last night as I was alone, listening to my family peacefully sleep.  Soo uncomfortable, I couldn’t even sleep on one of my sides as I could feel every bone of one of the babies (scaring me that I could be crushing them), would lose my breath, or feel my heart race. 

At about 5:30 or 6 am, I resorted to propping myself with pillows, hoping to fall asleep sitting.  After about an hour, my body relaxed enough that I layed on the less-full-of-baby side and managed to sleep till everything was stirring – signaling school preparation was underway.

One day the big kids will tell the twins how I cried a bit trying to get them here safely. They will tell their brothers about
● being just like little butlers: bringing me all sorts of things, helping me up, holding my hands, and letting me hold their shoulders for stability
● Aunt Tonya’s walker we borrowed to ensure a safe journey to my bathroom.
● the table we would eat snacks at in my room to avoid the crumbs in Dad’s bed. 
● or the mini fridge Dale let us snag from the office so I could eat at night (that they loved to also eat from)
● the hanging cradle/bassinet that they helped Dad put together that was so hard to not touch and swing
● the dresser full of clothes they used to wear…and a drawer just for diapers (they are facinated by a full drawer of diapers)
● the blow-up swimming pool the mailman delivered to our door (Amazon) that was full of air – not water (also difficult not to touch)
● the kind friends & neighbors that brought us food
● Brenda & Jody: neighbors that made returning from school an everyday adventure

Actually, there are more…

…but the 2 things I hope they remember most is that amidst all the tears, struggle, and excitement: their Dad and I tried our very best (Dad especially) and loved them dearly.  That this home was overflowing with love for the big kids, and the littles soon to arrive.

After all, not all tears are bad right?! xo ~ katrina
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(After school snacks with the explorer)

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