theory – ladies, follow your heart, your true north

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I’ve been pondering some ideas, concepts, the past month.  They’ve been mulled over/hashed with the designer and Jan (my lovely VT).   Then I received an email from a beautiful cousin Monday night that caused more reflection.  And I’m ready to share. 

My cousin confided in me that after she read my post, Becoming a Mother who knows, last week, she believes she, “did everything wrong.”  

Rather, I believe, she has done everything right.  She and her husband are currently chasing a dream.  They have been chosen to travel to renown art shows/festivals in the Western States.  Is there really a wrong and a right way to do our life?  I don’t believe there is.  This path I am following is different from the path I watched my mother follow.  Neither is the right path, but it has been right for each of us. 

Our ideals, views, and direction are greatly designed and shaped by our family, friends, religion, culture, occupation, studies.  This of course, can be beneficial.  Yet, how often do we take that moment to look at our life (just our life, influences aside),  ponder goals and dreams, and make sure that our life is running accordingly?

Being a woman is not easy.  I remember having the desire to receive a letter in the mail that would tell me what life decision to make and when to make them.  Wouldn’t that be nice?  When I was 16, I wrote myself a letter that outlined some goals and when I would like to have achieved them.  On the envelope I wrote not to open till 2002 (my 25th year).  Surprisingly, many of the milestones I thought I would have reached, had either not occurred, or not in the order/time-frame I had envisioned. 

So what happened?  Part of the problem is that I had expected to have finished studies and been married by a certain time.  My path was not exactly what I had imagined as a young woman. 

While at BYU, the typical Mormon gal had married or served an lds mission by the time she graduated.  This was not the path for me.  I tried to follow the typical path, but as the time for decisions came, my heart told me that there was a different plan for me.

I graduated from the Y worked, and prepared for graduate school.  I began the Graduate Program in Architecture at UNLV.  Continuing to follow my heart, I made other decisions that have shaped my current life.  Work took me from the University President’s Office, private tutoring children after school, to the Las Vegas Planning Department, and then working as a project manager (landscape designer) for a design build firm.  I was married a week after my second graduation.  Children came quickly, and I find myself pursuing my dreams:

Loving–mothering–teaching–learning–creating.

I am happy with my path.  Yes, it has it’s obstacles.  Yet, it is right for me.

My amazing cousin.  She is following a dream.  Supporting, driving her husband’s creativity.  This is a good path. 

And now my concern.  As part of the influence in many feminine lives, are we aiding the search for their path?  Their path?  Are we supporting the different paths that they may take, realizing that by following their hearts, they will find their true path, their true north?

What can we do to help?  How do we rid our society of the so called, “normal path” for women? 

  1. First, realize that each woman’s plan and path is different
  2. Find our path.  Make decisions and be happy with those decisions and the path it creates.
  3. Support the women in our lives.  The young in search of their path, and those already on their path, to give them reaffirmation.
  4. Be happy with our choices, and be happy for the choices of others.

Specifically to my lds sisters, there is soo much more to life after temple marriage.  As my wise Missionary Prep teacher, Brother Bott, explained to us, “Your mission is your springboard into the rest of your life!”  Similarly, our temple marriage is the beginning of a wonderful, fulfilling journey.  Yes, filled with challenges, but nowhere near the end of our journey.

Too often we spend so much time focusing on helping the young women in our lives prepare for a temple marriage, but fail to help them know what to do afterwards (Definitely too much to ponder for this post).  And also concerning, are we helping them realize that their pathway to a successful marriage will not happen within a specific time-frame or place.  Sad as it is, there is no letter arriving in the mail letting them know when to marry and who to marry, what to study, where to work, how many children to have, and what dreams to choose to follow. 

But as we support them in their faith and their dreams,

  1. they will find their true north,
  2. continue in their path, happily,
  3. endure the challenges that will surely come, and
  4. gain the strength that will be required to accomplish their life mission.

What are your thoughts?  How can we help the women in our lives?  How have you found your path?  What would have helped you to more easily find your true north?

4 thoughts on “theory – ladies, follow your heart, your true north

  1. I believe one of the most amazing books I have ever read is “remembering wholeness” by Carol Tuttle. Her website is caroltuttle.com
    I have been learning about the things that she teaches for about 2 years now. I am so thankful to have the things I have been taught from her. She is a master energy therepist. Her book teaches us how we can own our own power and create our own lives. She talks about everyone we come in contact with on this earth, has been asked by us at some point to play a certain role in our lives, and we have the ability to write the script for them and allow them to affect us and teach us different things. She tells us that we realy can have anything we want in this life, if we focus our positive energy on it and believe. If for some reason things don’t work out the way we want, ask yourself what posotive things happend instead. My cousin Karey Williams also works in this line of field and her site is kareywilliams.com. This information has been so helpful to me, to know that its o.k. to be who I am, I don’t have to be what others say I should be, I have learned more about myself in the last two years than ever before, and I am so happy, even when things don’t go the way I want, because I have been able to step back and ask myself “why are things the way they are and what can I do to attract and create something to better it.”
    Thanks Trina for your post, it was inspiring and right along the lines of what my thoughts have been focusing on for a long time now. : )

  2. You’re getting pretty philosophical on us lately. Good for you. I find that one of the hardest things in life is believing you are right. I agree that there is no such thing as a normal path in life. When we judge our path compared to what is viewed as excepted or normal, we need to remember that we are not normal. The Lord has given all of us an opportunity to grow and help others grow also. That takes all types of people. I find that when I question the bounds I am placing on myself, I can often find the answer to a prior problem, or a problem might disappear. If I don’t receive an answer, it’s often because I’m not humble enough to act on what the answer is (The last time that happened, it took six months before I was ready for the answer). If I can let go of what I think I should be doing and what I want to be doing, then I can find out what The Lord knows I can do to help others, and grow myself and my family. I know he can make more out of me than I can. So I exercise my faith and move forward even if it is deviant from the ‘norm.’ As I look back over the last almost six years I’ve been married, there are ways we could have gone where we would have been ‘farther ahead’ in life, but we know that the growth we have received through making the right choices is worth much more. We also know that we have been in the right place to help others on their journey through life. We know we are where The Lord would have us be, doing what The Lord would have us do. Knowing that is priceless in giving us the strength to do what we need to and grow how we need to. If you know you are good with The Lord, then you are doing the right thing. I think we all need to remember that more often.

  3. Chad,
    Thanks for your insight…especially, your realization that most of what I discussed applies to men and women. 🙂 I enjoyed how you talked about the growth that comes as we follow the path that has been made for us. Like you say, we may reach goals sooner, but are we a better person in the process? As with most things of value, growth takes time. Happiness takes patience. Thanks for getting philosophical right on back!

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