theory – why is it so hard to let go?

There is a young girl in our ward who just had a baby premature due to complications with toxemia.  She drives an hour each afternoon to see her baby and spend time with him.  Our Relief Society has been bringing in lunch meals for she and her mom to eat before their trip. 

I’m so grateful to have had meals and help when I was sick and was happy to feel up to doing something for her.  Tuesday I cooked chicken in the crock-pot, (it was really good…i don’t think I wrote that one down…I’ll have to look around and see) and saved some left overs for the gals to eat for their lunch.  We’re gone most of the morning Wednesday at Library Story Time and a picnic lunch at the park.  So the plan was to drop off my chicken the night before to my lunch making partner.  She would then take rolls and fruit with the chicken to the ladies.

It was Enrichment night, and my partner is in charge, so I told her I’d drop off the meat after the meeting.  When I arrived at 9:30 pm, no one was home…not even her husband and kiddos.  The chicken was in a plastic saver.  I left it with a note on her porch.  Then I went home and called her.  She doesn’t have an answering machine, but I hoped that she’s see on her caller id that I’d called.

I didn’t know what else to do, so I finished some chores and went to bed.  As we were driving home from our park lunch, the following day, I noticed that the designer had called me.  My lunch partner had just been over to the house looking for the chicken.  She had not seen the food when she checked that morning and figured and animal had drug it off.  She said she’d go to Subwayand get the gals a sandwich.  I felt horrible.  And yet, I didn’t know what else I could have done.

As I was mumbling about the situation outloud to myself, the designer said to one of our kiddos, “mommy just can’t let go.”  He was teasing me, quietly and kindly.  Yet, it struck a chord deep within.  He was right.  I do have a terrible time letting go.  Why is it so hard to just accept that things had not gone according to plan.  but all that great meat…and an animal ate it instead of the ladies who should have enjoyed it…  So why is it so hard for me to accept that when things go badly, that I haven’t necessarily sinned?  That sometimes things just don’t work out and that it’s best to learn from our mistakes and move on.  I’m sure the ladies enjoyed their Subway sandwiches and had no idea what they should have eaten.  It’s the intention.  I had good intentions, and I’ll have to be content with that. 

Letting go is just something that I need to work on.  When a family member makes an unkind jab, or I forget to bring something in the car.  It’s not worth it to replay the unkind words or tell myself negative things just because I didn’t remember something.  I’d love suggestions if anyone has any.  My sister and I were talking about this not too long ago, and I don’t think we’re the only gals out there working on this. 

I think part of it comes from wanting to be perfect.  Yes, the unattainable right now.  But thinking about both of these things a bit more and trying to do better the next time will keep me going.  From now on, everytime I feel the urge to not let go, I think I’ll read through my delight category posts and remember those things that bring me joy and that I am grateful for.  Replacing the negative with a positive focus will help me to move on.  What else?

2 thoughts on “theory – why is it so hard to let go?

  1. Pingback: discovery - gifts from christ « the daily delights

  2. Pingback: theory - to do it all or not to do it all? (that is the question) « the daily delights

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