I’ve been embarking on a journey of change and healing. Today, I looked at the road thus traveled, felt fulfillment, gratitude, and a sense of accomplishment.
Yet, as I looked towards future treatments, I worried when the greater suffering will end…if our flex spending has enough to cover the treatments still needed…hoping it will make a difference in my ability to enjoy life as I so desire.
For now, I’m not going to give details of the treatment, what/who has inspired this journey, or why I have undertaken such an untraveled path. Rather, I want to focus on the learning and perspective that has come…specifically in regards to our Savior’s Atonement.
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As I sought to release pain, and emotions during my first treatment, I had time to ponder and reflect. Alone, I laid, concentrating.
And then it happened. A vision entered my mind.
I felt myself willingly giving the pain, grief, guilt, hurt, that I have been hoarding within my soul and the body that encompasses it. I saw Christ. Patiently waiting for me to make this choice. Debt already paid, long ago.
As I made this choice and gave him my burdens, he graciously took them. Lifting them from me, and then, lifting them even higher…
…higher, beyond the Heavens…beyond the Universe. As he released the pain, sorrow, hurt, sin, and grief, I saw his shoulders lose a bit of intensity. He stood taller.
The burden had not only been lifted from my small frame, but also from His.
The price had been paid so long ago, but without my willingness, he continues to carry this burden. As I give up my sins, my pain caused by others, the overwhelming weight upon the Savior is lighter.
I wanted to give up the sins and the pain. Not just because it was hurting me.
But because it is hurting Him. And that is reason enough for me to Let Go.
Does it make it easier. Yes. Still difficult? Yes. But easier.
I love Him too much to cause him to suffer any more on my account.
The Atonement. Still learning, still trying to understand. Still wanting to let go.